teachers put the ass in assignments
i often confuse my gaydar with my overpowering pleasebegaydar
radish is a really accurate name for a vegetable because they’re pretty cool but they’re not that cool
as i was walking home this group of eight year olds thought it would be funny if they all gave me the finger as i approached so i turned around and said “i’m telling your parents you did that” and they all simultaneously burst into tears and begged me not to tell on them.
im not ashamed to say it was the highlight of adult life.
oh my god I misread this as “eighty year olds”
(Source: houselannincester)
If I like you and I’m comfortable around you, I’m going to get weird.
(Source: hellanne)
Who came up with kissing? Seriously?
Did 2 people one day accidentally bash heads together and went like, “Oh… That was nice”
*violently bashes head together again*
“This should be a thing”kissing is a method of exchanging saliva (and thus DNA) to determine whether or not you would want to reproduce with that person
*Bashes heads once more*
You are a prime candidate for my child.
the difference between pizza and your opinion is that i asked for pizza
(Source: anotherbadpoem)
